When distance comes between our grandchildren and us, there is one way that can be easily overlooked – being a penpal to their grandchildren. Here are some reasons why and tips on how to create this new connection with your grandchildren.
- Penpals are different from virtual connections
- Grandchildren learn to express themselves through the written word
- Keepsakes
- A glimpse of family history
- Handwriting helps with penmanship and dexterity
- Getting started
Penpals are different from virtual connections
There is a unique connection that letter writing offers. As kids, we all loved getting mail. We all had different reasons – some hoping for a letter from a cousin or a magazine we subscribed to or something we purchased through mail order.
That thrill never changes between generations, although our grandchildren experience its much less and some not at all. Think of the fun you will both have when you get their letter in the mail.
Suggestion: when you mail your letter use fun stamps. Canada Post allows you to make your stamp
with your photo. Once you have established your penpal relationship with your grandchild, consider creating a postage stamp with your grandchild that is uniquely yours – one that only the two of you use. If you do this with each of your grandchildren you are writing to, it will be a shared experience unique to both of you.
Grandchildren learn to express themselves through the written word
Being able to express yourself in writing serves everyone throughout their lives. For our grandchildren, “idk, lmk or c u ltr” may work between friends, but in the working world, the written word extends beyond text, emojis and gifs.
It may be hard for some children to write at first but encourage them (when you talk to them virtually) and help them develop the skills. Applaud their first letter (you know you will keep it forever).
Suggestion: In your first letter to get the conversation going, tell them about receiving letters when you were their age and how mail was important to everyone then. Highlight how some people referred to mail as “the post’ – a little different than a post that they know of.
Keepsakes
I was going through some of my mother’s papers after her death and found letters she had written to her sisters and her parents. It reminded me of how she cherished her relationship with her family. Letters were her tangible connection to them as they lived around the world and at the opposite ends of the country. Pamela Fernuik (Hodges), a Canadian writer, captured what family letters mean in The Write Practice.
Suggestion: When writing your letter, be chatty. Start by telling them what you are up to and don’t worry about having nothing to say. Tell them what you were doing that made you think of writing them. Talking about the seemingly mundane things and how you are coping with keeping physical distancing tells them they are not alone. It also tells them it is okay to share their feelings.
A glimpse of family history
In our family archives is a letter written by my great, great, great grandfather’s sister in England, addressed to him as he settled in southwestern Ontario. It is dated 1843. The penmanship alone is a throwback to a gentler time when the written word was the only communications over the miles.
As I read it, I could almost feel the love and heartbreak of him missing his family but appreciating the challenges of the military assignment he had accepted. It made me think of the new Canadians who choose Canada as their new home and how they miss their families and so desperately want to bring them here. All this from letters sent between family.
Suggestion: Include a copy of an old photo when writing to your grandchild. Explain who is in the photo and the circumstances surrounding it. Maybe a photo of you and your best friends at your grandchild’s age and share the mischief you were up to.
Handwriting helps with penmanship and dexterity
This is a side benefit of writing letters that you wouldn’t necessarily think of. Dexterity or fine skills development is part of the handwriting process and aids in the growth of intelligence and develops throughout the various stages of your grandchild’s growth. It aids in the development of hand-eye coordination that will support activities, like playing sports and/or learning an instrument.
Suggestion: Keep your grandchild’s letters (you would anyway) and watch over time how their handwriting/printing improves. It may have improved because they are older or because they learned how in school but show them their improvements. It is a touchpoint that tells them how proud you are of them and shows them you keep their letters. It’s another example of how important they are to you.
Getting started
- Talk to your grandchild’s parent(s)
- Choose your paper
- Write your note
- Personalize the page
- Address the envelope
- Personalize the envelope
- Attach the postage stamp
- Put the letter in the mail
- Enjoy the experience
First, talk to your grandchild’s parents
Tell them your plan to write letters from time to time to your grandchild. As their parent, they will appreciate knowing what you intend to do. They may want to encourage your grandchild to respond. Part of the conversation can be whether you want to make it a surprise or tell them to expect mail.
Choose your paper
It doesn’t matter what paper you write on. Plain, lined high quality or photocopier grade paper. You can use a blank card. You can purchase penpal kits (yes, there is such a thing). Before you purchase, be sure it includes everything you want and that you are getting good value.
Penpal kits usually include letter paper, paper, a pen, stickers, and postage stamps. Determine what you actually need before purchasing a kit. If you already have a pen, stickers and postage stamps then consider just purchasing a stationary set of letter paper and envelopes. It may be cheaper. Etsy offers about 24 different options in various motifs, depending on the age and interests of your grandchildren.
If you are purchasing a kit, be aware of where it is coming from. Purchasing a kit from outside Canada could mean the postage stamps included are from that country. You will be paying for stamps you will not be able to use.
As you establish your penpal relationship consider a penpal kit as a gift to your grandchild or consider creating a kit with them. You can create the paper and envelopes together.
Write your note
Be yourself when you write using expressions you would when you talk. We are familiar with starting a letter with “Dear”. You decide if that works for you. There is nothing wrong with starting your letter with “Hi” or “Hi there”. Think of how you greet your grandchild when they visit. Start with that greeting.
Tell stories, include a joke or a cartoon/ comic. If you are not sure what to ask your grandchild, Playtime by Emmie offers some questions to include. They are good questions you can also use to get a conversation started when talking to your grandchild.
Encourage them to write back by leaving questions with them. It is like engaging in a conversation with open-ended questions, much like you would when speaking with them. It will help them realize they only need to write the way they talk. Using open-ended questions will give them something to respond to in case they think they don’t have anything to say.
Personalize the page
Do something on the page that makes it from you. If there are stickers that your grandchild would like, use them. If using plain white paper, decorate it yourself. You don’t have to be an artist. Even just wiggly lines will make it yours.
Address the envelope
How to address your grandchild’s letter can go one of two ways. Classroom-synonym.com explains traditional and contemporary. The formal address will include Miss or Master, then their first and last name. The street name and unit number if appropriate on the next line. The city/town and province go on the third line with the postal code.
Personalize the envelope
Of course, you will include your return address, which your grandchild may or may not recognize. Think about what you can include on the envelope to make it personal. A sticker you used in the letter can be used on the envelope too. Is there a sticker that your grandchildren will love? Many kids love a heart or a superhero they follow. If your grandchild is not expecting your letter, even include the word “surprise!” on the outside.
Attach the postage stamp
If you purchased a penpal kit, one of the postage stamps included will probably cover the cost of mailing. Note the stamp currency may not be Canadian. If it is a heavy parcel, you may want to have the weight checked at the post office. You will also want to check the postage needed if you are sending it to your grandchild living outside Canada. International rates are more than domestic rates.
Put the letter in the mail
I mention this because it is so easy to put the letter aside and then forget to take it when you go out. Grandmothers know how long we will carry it in our purses before remembering to mail it. Having said that, we grandparents probably won’t forget. It is for our grandchild which, as we know, anything for them takes priority.
Enjoy the experience
Creating the penpal relationship with your grandchildren will be a special shared experience that will keep you connected no matter how old they get or how seldom you can see them.