Canadian Grandparents – Page 5 – Canadian Grandparents

Canadian grandparents love to see their grandchildren laugh. Here are some that will get them giggling. All around funny jokes Baseball jokes Food jokes All around funny jokes Q. Why can’t you tell a joke while standing on ice? A: Because it might crack up! Q: How do pigs talk? A: Swine language! Q: What goes tick, tick, woof, woof? A: A watchdog! Q. What do cows use in their text messages? A. E-moo-jis! Q: Why did the detective duck get an award? A: Because he quacked the case! Q What is the grandfather say to his grandson when his grandson dropped all the Scrabble letters when he was crossing the road? A. What’s the word on the street? Q. Why did the M&M go to school? A. Because he really wanted to be a Smartie! Q. Saturday and Sunday were in an argument with Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Who won? A. Saturday and Sunday because Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday are all weekdays. Get it? As in weak days. Ha ha Q: Where are cars most likely to get flat tires? A: At forks in the road. Q. Why didn’t the doctor tell his patients any jokes? A. Because they were already in stitches. Q. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? A. I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus. Q: How do hair stylists speed up their job? A: They take short cuts! Q: What kind of underwear do reporters wear? A: News briefs. Q. If a grandfather from Vancouver drove toward Montreal at 360 km an hour and his grandson drove at 280 km an hour toward Vancouver – where would they meet? A. In jail. Q. How to you weigh a millennial? A. In Instagrams Q. Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? A. All they said was “Bach, bach, bach”. Q: What happened when 19 and 20 got into a fight? A: Twenty-one Q: How do you cut a wave in half? A: Use a sea saw. Q. What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A. A nervous wreck. Q: What do you call a story about a broken pencil? A: Pointless. Q: Why couldn’t the kid see the pirate movie? A: It was rated ARR! Q: Why did the sun go to school? A: To get brighter! Q. Why do magicians do so well in school? A. They’re good at trick questions. Q. What’s the king of all school supplies? A. The ruler. Q. What kind of school do you go to if you’re an ice cream man? A. Sundae school Q. What type of school does a giant attend? A. High school Q. What’s the difference between a teacher and a train? A. A teacher says, “Spit out that gum!” and a train says, “Chew! Chew!” Q. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? A. Because they make up everything. Q. What did the claustrophobic astronaut say to his colleagues? A. I need a little space. Q. Why you should never date a tennis player? A. Love mean nothing to them. Q. Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?” A. Because every play has a cast. Q. How do trains hear? A. With engine-ears! Q. How does a train eat? A. It goes chew chew! Q. Why was the boy sitting on his watch? A. Because he wanted to be on time. Q. How do you wrap a cloud? A. With a rainbow. Q. How do you prevent a summer cold? A. Catch it in the winter! Q. What does daylight saving time mean in Vancouver? A. An extra hour of rain. Baseball Jokes Download/ Print Baseball Jokes Q. What has 18 legs and catches flies? A. A baseball team! Q. Why couldn't T-ball coach make kool-aid for the game? A. Because he didn't have a pitcher. Q. How much does it cost to get good seats at a Blue Jays game? A. I don’t know but I can give you a ballpark estimate. Q. Which baseball player loved ﬁreplaces? A. Mickey Mantel Q. How long did the baseball player spend in the library? A. Only a few minutes. It was a shortstop. Q. Where does a catcher sit for dinner? A. Behind the plate. Q. Why is baseball stadium the coolest place to be? A. Because it has lots of fans. Q. Why did the baseball player shut down his website? A. Because he didn't get very many hits. Q. Does it take longer to run from 1st to 2nd base or from 2nd to 3rd base? A. It takes longer from 2nd to 3rd base because there is a shortstop in the middle. Q. Why did the sausage quit playing baseball? A. Because he was the wurst on the team. Q. Why is it a bad idea to play baseball in the jungle? A. Because there are so many cheetahs. Q. Why are singers good at baseball? A. Because they have perfect pitch. Q. What do you get when you cross a baseball player with a monster? A. A double header. Q. Did you hear the joke about the fast pitch? A. Nevermind. You just missed it. Q. What did the baseball say to the baseball glove? A. Catch me if you can. Q. What did the baseball glove say to the ball? A. Catch you later. Q. How do baseball players keep in touch? A. They touch base when they are running around. Q. Which baseball player makes flapjacks? A. The batter. Q. What do baseball players use to bake a cake? A. Oven mitts, bunt pans and batter. Download/ Print Baseball Jokes Food Jokes Download/ Print Food Jokes Q. What do sea monsters eat? A. Fish and ships! Q. Why did he grandchildren put candy under their pillows? A. Because they wanted sweet dreams! Q. What did the late tomato say to the early tomato? A. I'll ketch-up! Q. How do you keep a bagel from getting away? A. Put a lox on it. Q. Did you hear about snow White's brother? A. His name is Egg White. Get the yolk? Q. Before a macaroni factory can officially open, what must it do? A. Pasta inspection! Q. Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma? A. There is no menu. You get what you deserve. Q. Want to hear a pizza joke? A. Nevermind, it's too cheesy! Q. Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? A. The good's great but it lacks atmosphere! Q. Why was the first drive-in ever opened? A. Because people wanted to curb their appetite! Q. How do you make an apple turnover? A. You push it down a hill. Q. Why couldn't the judge be disturbed at dinner? A. Because His Honour was at steak. Download/ Print Food Jokes