There are times when one grandparent is preferred over the other. I experienced that when my granddaughter was one and half years old. She would always looks at me like she is waiting for me to either feed her or go away. When Grandpa came into the room, her face would light up and her eyes would dance. She delighted in him just standing there and settled so comfortably in his arms when he held her. So, what do you do when one grandparent is preferred over the other? Here are some tips:
Let it be
We are all grown ups and rejection by a grandchild is funnier than of concern. Children show their feelings readily and they are not always consistent. If they want to play with Grandpa, let them. Let them have their time together. Let them bond and have their own interests that they share only between them.
Draw the line
There is a difference between the grandchild wanting to play with one grandparent and being bossy. They may think that since they got to play with one grandparent, they can choose who will they will eat lunch with. As grandparents, we have to lovingly draw the line. It is important the children feel autonomous when playing but the times for safety or family activities, grandparents decide. It is good to send a message that sometimes the adults are in charge.
Step back but not out
When you are the ‘rejected’ grandparent, be gracious and step back and allow the child enjoy the preferred grandparent. However, it is important that both grandparents still being involved in the day. When making a meal, for example, both grandparents and grandchildren can prepare the food together. It’s an opportunity to show grandchildren that working together along with others is still part of spending time together.
Don’t hover
It was our generation that deemed our children helicopter parents, hovering over their kids watching their every move, editing their behaviour. We don’t like it when our children do it, then we shouldn’t either. When our grandchildren ask to interact with only one grandparent, they will connect on their own terms. The grandchild is with an adult. They don’t need another one to supervise. Go do something else.
Make time with both grandparents
Depending on how much time is available, carve out time for both grandparents to spend time with the grandchildren. Perhaps it’s a walk to the park or out for an ice cream cone or a movie. It’s good too for children to see both grandparents together. It all contributes to them feeling secure.