Baking and cooking is probably the most common activity grandparents, especially grandmothers, share with their grandchildren.
I have never been good in the kitchen and marginally successful at baking. However, baking is something I have been doing almost every Sunday when my grandson visits. We have made cookies, muffins, brownies and cakes. We have followed recipes and made some up of our own. We have tested ingredients and traded opinions on the best results. I have to admit I am much more comfortable in the kitchen now because of him. It is time I cherish, not only because it is time I spend with him, but because I never spent any time at all in the kitchen with either of my grandmothers.
That’s why interviewing Elena Iacono was such a treat (pun intended) for me. Elena is Maria Dicembre Canci’s granddaughter. You probably don’t know Maria’s name but the legacy she left with her granddaughter warms the heart and leaves an inspiring wave of love that grandparents are an important in the lives of their grandchildren.
Maria Dicembre Canci came to Canada from Naples Italy, by herself, in February 1954. She landed in Ellis Island in New York and took a train to Ottawa. She chose Canada, as many immigrants do, because family and friends had told her of opportunities and the promise that Canada held.
She settled in Ottawa working at a commercial laundry where she hand pressed clothing for the city’s churches, learning English and building her new life here. Elena’s grandfather, who had planned to moved to Australia, abandoned those plans and soon followed.
The fact she came by herself, as a woman at the time, was one of the many attributes that draws admiration from her granddaughter. “She left Italy and started the whole immigration process to Canada. It was unheard of in that time. Usually men would leave first, then the women would follow. I like to think that I have her sense of conviction and bravery. It’s just something that I marvel at every single day.”
Elena grew up in Ottawa living very close to her grandmother and spent almost every day with her. It wa
s how she remembers her grandmother is a learning for Canadian grandparents wanting to build a relationship with their grandchildren.
She said there wasn’t any one thing that her grandmother did, but rather her acceptance of her and just loving her for who she was. “If there is any one thing I hone in on when I think back was that she was very encouraging of anything I was doing that would improve my life. I remember being six years old and I was reading the phone book to her. She said “Look, you are such a good reader.’”
What struck me about their relationship was the simplicity and the love that was the foundation. As Elena further explained, it was like just being together was enough. “It is the memories of doing the simple things like going for walks, picking tomatoes from her garden, watering the plants, washing vegetables or just doing things around the house. I look back on what I used to do with her and it was all about encouraging us to roll up our sleeves, learn about nature and the process of growing food and be involved.”
She acknowledges that, all these years later, it was those times that grounded her and taught her an appreciation for organic, simple food and ultimately life in general. “The simplicity of everything she did, the focus on family, the warmth of her hospitality – I think of those things every day. She had a profound effect on my life.”
The role of parents
Elena attributes her relationship with her grandmother to her mother. She encouraged her to spend time with her. She said both her mother and father made sure she and her brother knew both her sets of grandparents.
Every summer they would drive Elena and her brother Marco to visit her father’s parents in Montreal. They’d stay in Montreal for about a month where she would connect with all her cousins on her father’s side. “The memories of that,” she said, “well, I could write another book about those. I can still picture the summer day and just being with my grandparents there. And every time I cut a cucumber, I’m transported right back to my grandparents house in Montreal.”
She knows now that her parents wanted them to know their family history and be proud of the stories of bravery and courage that resonates throughout the families. Elena pointed out that “It makes you really proud of where you come from.”
Passing the torch
Elena remembers making pasta with her grandmother all the time. “Her whole heart went into everything she did especially cooking,” Elena explained. “I remember as a kid marveling how she could make delicious meals out of a tsp of this or a cup of that never referring to a recipe let alone cookbook. She always made sure there was enough for everyone.”
Her description really drew me in. I could picture her grandmother, a formidable presence in the kitchen throwing a bit of this and a bit of that into a bowl and creating scrumptious meals enough to feed an army. All done with unconditional love that permeated throughout the house blending with the scrumptious aroma of the food she was preparing.
I could hear in Elena’s voice the inner acceptance that Elena has about herself that she credits to her grandmother. The unfaltering awe she has for her grandmother even after her grandmother’s passing last year can be heard as she proudly talks about two things she inherited from her grandmother- her pasta machine and ravioli knife. Her voice sparks with pride when she says “I got them both!”
The ravioli knife was particularly special. She remembers playing with the knife marveling at the fact she could roll it over her hand and it wouldn’t cut her skin yet it would create such beautiful designs on pasta. “I consider the torch that was passed down between generations. I am so honoured to have it.”
Honouring her grandmother’s legacy
Her grandmother would never have thought of her relationship with Elena as her legacy but Elena thinks very much it is. “She had a profound effect on how I see the world, my passion for the simplicity, innate curiosity, and my love for my family and for Italian cooking.”
The bond Maria created with her granddaughter inspired Elena to create a book of her grandmother’s recipes to honour her following her death in April 2020. What she didn’t realize though, it would be much more than that.
Creating My Nonna Ma’s Kitchen: A Collection of Homemade Italian Recipes was a loving flashback to the hours she spent learning at her grandmother’s side. “None of the recipes were written down,” Elena explains. “They were handed down through osmosis. I just watched her and I picked up on a lot of her tips and tricks and I guess I just stuck them in the back of my mind. Italian food is based on very simple ingredients so it was easy to just recreate them. As I went through it, I remembered her and our time together.”
When done she wanted to do good with the book, something that would bring people together as her grandmother always did with her food.
Her work in the well-being and mental health space at TELUS has helped her understand the mental health concerns Canadians are facing from a financial insecurity perspective and a food insecurity perspective. So she reached out the Food Banks Canada who gave her a fundraising page accessible through her website elenaiacono.com.
Since September 2020, she has raised more than $100,000 for Food Banks Canada and more than 400,000 net new meals for Canadians in need.
Advise to Canadian grandparents
As a granddaughter, Elena’s advice is to create moments to share your knowledge. “Talk about your past and what life has taught you. Encourage conversations by letting them be themselves.”
Now that she is older, Elena realizes how flexible her grandmother was. “My grandmother would let me do so much and talk about anything. She accepted me for me and allowed me explore my interests.”
She recognizes it is harder because we’re all separated but she suggests using social media to stay in touch. She thinks it is definitely worth the effort. She said, “When I published my book, a lot of my friends said, ‘You know you were so lucky to have spent time with your grandparents. I didn’t know mine.’ And I knew I was so very very lucky.”
To buy My Nonna Ma’s Kitchen: A Collection of Homemade Italian Recipes go to elenaiacono.com. It based on a donation so no amount is too small, however, you need to make $10 donation to get the tax receipt.
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